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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I want a guy with a good career, makes at least $150k/year, lives alone, never been married, and no kids. I prefer white men, in shape but not too muscular, no tattoos, no facial hair ( a little stubble is okay), and short hair. My lifestyle is having 2-3 kids and being able to live a comfortable life. We would have money to pay for childcare, family vacations, college, etc. [/quote]

I married one of those at almost 32. But he expected me to make at least 100k (which I did) and never stop working ever...[b]no break for kids...none except maternity leave[/b] (which I took only 6 weeks because my job is demanding). We are divorced. Terrible marriage. You need to think differently. Respect and kindness are not on you list. They should be. If they guy is not respectful or kind, his 150k+ salary is not going to give you the "lifestyle" you want. A guy who makes less who cares about what you want as a family might be a better fit. I was 40% of the household income. The man you think you are looking for often also expect women to do two jobs--raising a family and be a working mom with a stressful job--they will not necessarily want to provide it for you. [/quote]

Isn't that normal? My DH is a biglaw partner and also would be very opposed to me taking a "break for kids." [/quote]

Serious question, but what’s the point of a having a partner working all those hours in big law and making all that money if you can’t get off the treadmill ever to take care of your kids when they’re babies?  I don’t get it. [/quote]

Because I’m my own person? And we both take care of our babies? I guess we are both confused...[/quote]

I am the original PP but not the last one...you are obviously in a different kind of marriage. A lot of men do not take care of their babies. My ex did not lift a finger until the youngest was 6. And I was working full time with a demanding job and a terrible commute. Consider yourself lucky...not typical. That is why a lot of women want a break with babies...a lot of men do not share the load. It is widely published that the labor around childrearing and maintaining a household STILL disproportionately falls to women. It is hard to be two people at once yet that is what many men expect...not like your husband, I guess.[/quote]

We also hire a lot out. Laundry service, twice a week housekeeper, au pair. Any time we spend not on our kids or our careers is a failure to manage our affairs IMO. [/quote]

Which is fine for you, if it’s what you prefer, but you must know that most people don’t want to limit their range of experience to just those two things. My husband and I are managing our affairs just fine with me working part time and doing our laundry, cooking our own food, and cleaning things up.  My life isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I’m the only one who has to enjoy it.  Working 50 hours a week isn’t a virtue. It’s just a choice that has externalities.  I choose other externalities.  [/quote]

You’re moving the goalposts. Obviously some people choose to use one spouse as a housekeeper and laundress, but then that spouse really can’t complain about gendered divisions of labors, and the other spouse has to agree that this rather silly arrangement, where a high income person gives it up to serve as a maid, is best for all involved. A typical spouse would, of course, prefer the other spouse keep earning a high income. [/quote]

Look, it’s cool that domestic things are not your jam and you enjoy whatever it is you do for a living. I also enjoy what I do.  I just enjoy doing it part time so I can do other things I enjoy, like going to the Zoo with my toddler, taking my kids swimming in the afternoon, and (gasp) going grocery shopping. You seem to think that your preferences are typical. In my experience, my preferences are more typical among the spouses of big law partners.  We clearly disagree on which preferences are better. You clearly think your preferences are better while I don’t really care to rank preferences because I realize that preferences aren’t better or worse, they are just different. Good thing we each married a partner who loves and respects us for who we are.  We are both so lucky.   [/quote]

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