Reply to Changing the name of an internationally adoped child

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[quote=Anonymous]
my comment wasn't "better off in orphanage than having her name changed."  My comment simply pointed out the reality that not all adoptive families are so wonderful -- as another poster pointed out, there is the poor little boy sent back to Russia by himself and there are other cases.  Not all people are really qualified to be adoptive parents.  It takes more than an attitude of "love will make everything okay."

We're a transracial adoptive family and we rarely get comments/questions (we live in arlington and there are tons of adoptive families around), so I can't imagine wanting anonymity.  I read the original post as the a-parents looking forward to being able to hide the fact that their daughter was adopted -- which is a more common view than you might think.[/quote]

Of course you are right that not everyone is qualified to be an adoptive parent.  But most really do a great job of it.  If you look at all of the adoptions from Russia, very few kids end up with parents that aren't going to do just fine.

One of the things that strikes me is the completely  negative spin you put on the AP's comments.  I am not so willing to assume that someone who has been vetted through the home study process and who is committed enough to the adoption to have invested probably well over a year and many tens of thousands of dollars to adopt doesn't deserve the benefit of the doubt in terms of their ability to parent.  And, knowing the education that is required by most agencies, which includes preparation for the difficulties of adoption, especially when adopting kids from Russia who usualy have faced particularly difficult challenges, such as fetal alcohol exposure and deplorable orphanage conditions, I admire these parents for saying yes to a seven year old.

Something else to think about.  When adopting a seven year old from Russia, that child can't speak English, probably hasn't started school yet, and will likely to face some intense overstimulation from the assault to the senses that happens when coming to America following life in a Russian orphanage - in addition to whatever learning disabilities brought on by the lack of neurological development caused by the deprivation of orphanage life and fetal alcohol that this young girl has.  Perhaps getting this young girl to the point where people don't recognize her from Russia will be an accomplishment because it will mean that she is caught up educationally and that they've been able to socialize her and successfully integrate her into normal family life.
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