Reply to If your spouse has mental health issues that are not fully controlled

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To at said, if someone’s incapable of seeing a child’s needs and doing something correct about it, get help yesterday!

I tried fir the first 7 years to get mentally ill spouse to be involved with the kids, house, family.  He was incapable, could not learn, ultimately did not care. He was so overwhelmed at basic life with a family he shut down and only worked and blocked out all things family - kids friends, school emails, school performance, sports or ECs, holiday trips, etc.  He’s crash at 8pm on the couch snoring from his performance all day at the office. We got the leftovers of him, nothing. [/quote]

Asking seriously (I'm not OP) -- Was he formally diagnosed with a mental illness that doctors said was clearly the cause of his inability or unwillingness to be involved with family at all? Posts on DCUM often describe behaviors like what you describe here, but not in discussions of mental illness--in discussions about relationships. You can see where I'm going. At what point is it "this is caused by mental illness" and at what point is it "he's actually not ill, he's a terrible person"? [/quote]

Yes he had a neuropsych and it showed two root diagnoses not helpable w meds plus secondary anxiety and depression because of the unmanaged illnesses.

Of course he denies the dx and is supposed to seek out behavioral therapy.

To a spouse it presents the same, the same persistent, consistent, chronic mistreatment. So unless he improves the dx doesn’t matter: if feels to others like he’s constantly being an abusive a-hole. [/quote]

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