Reply to Husband is silent when I most desperately need reassurance and acknowledgment

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Husband is silent when I most desperately need reassurance and acknowledgment "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I have been there and also find this frustrating. My DH is also very silent and can freeze up when I’m upset. We are still working on it, and we’ve had lots of conversations about what we both need in terms of support and how to give it to each other. I will say that I’ve accepted my DH will never be the kind of person to easily offer physical consoling or verbal encouragement. I have learned to ask for physical reassurance when I need it (can I have a hug?) and to accept that his silence is not a judgment when I am struggling. Sometimes I can tell him what my needs are, and he can come back after 20-30 minutes and offer some reassurance, once he’s had time to think about what to say.

Something that helps us finding a therapist I can talk to when I’m struggling to get some of the support I can’t get from my DH. He’s very supportive of this because he knows he can’t provide the emotional support I need. So in a way my therapy feels like a way my DH can offer support, because he helps facilitate it by making sure we have childcare during my appointments and encouraging me to go. [/quote]

Op here. Thank you. Good suggestions.

What is the reason for the silence? Honestly I would prefer he say the wrong thing than sit there in silence.

Is it selective mutism? Is it a kind of autism? Is it lack of intelligence??[/quote]

Do you ever snap at him for saying/doing the wrong thing in such a situation?  It's a lot of pressure to put on someone to demand comfort and worse if they feel like they're walking through a minefield trying to find the right things to say.

You should also realize that your DH is feeling the same stress you are -- with kids, pandemic, no help.  You are asking him to take on your stress on top of his.  Some people can handle that and some can't.  That is why it is easier for a therapist or friend to provide support -- they are not in the trenches with you![/quote]

There are some really good insights here. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics