Reply to Husband is silent when I most desperately need reassurance and acknowledgment

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I have been there and also find this frustrating. My DH is also very silent and can freeze up when I’m upset. We are still working on it, and we’ve had lots of conversations about what we both need in terms of support and how to give it to each other. I will say that I’ve accepted my DH will never be the kind of person to easily offer physical consoling or verbal encouragement. I have learned to ask for physical reassurance when I need it (can I have a hug?) and to accept that his silence is not a judgment when I am struggling. Sometimes I can tell him what my needs are, and he can come back after 20-30 minutes and offer some reassurance, once he’s had time to think about what to say.

Something that helps us finding a therapist I can talk to when I’m struggling to get some of the support I can’t get from my DH. He’s very supportive of this because he knows he can’t provide the emotional support I need. So in a way my therapy feels like a way my DH can offer support, because he helps facilitate it by making sure we have childcare during my appointments and encouraging me to go. [/quote]

Op here. Thank you. Good suggestions.

What is the reason for the silence? [b]Honestly I would prefer he say the wrong thing than sit there in silence.[/b]

Is it selective mutism? Is it a kind of autism? Is it lack of intelligence??[/quote]

I don't think this is true. I think when a DH gives the wrong response it just adds to the irritation and they learn to walk on eggshells. My DH is from the men don't show emotion school. It has taken years of a steady drip of letting him know I want a response, giving him time to give a response, then being helpful if it isn't a good response. Basically, it is like parenting, teaching the skill that was not only not learned in childhood, but was discouraged. [/quote]

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