Reply to If your spouse has mental health issues that are not fully controlled

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was just discussing this with my therapist. She was our marriage therapist but then he stopped wanting to participate and I practically begged her to see me solo and she agreed, short-term.

Her advice was to detach emotionally. We talked through all of the difficulties of coparenting and being a single mother, huge for me right now with a newborn on the way and two other kids under 5. I agree with your assessment that it isn't worth all that divorce entails. She said there was no need for me to worry about the future right now, just focus on the present and enjoying my children. If you can swing an au pair or a nanny, I'd say go for it. I'd love an extra set of hands and to be able to take a break here and there. [/quote]

Did she give you any practical advice on how to detach emotionally.  I *know* thats what Ineed to do but can't seem to actually do it[/quote]

Yes, it's pretty formulaic which is helpful to me.

1. Establishing and maintaining appropriate boundaries 
2. Accepting reality/knowing that I am unable to affect change in him
3. Being present in my day to day life; not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future
4. Taking responsibility for my own mental health and needs - this is largely a self-care thing

Having said that, it's a lot of work. Breaking old patterns. Not being triggered (he has a history of infidelity, probably more than I'm even aware of). I'm going to work meditation into my routine to help calm my mind. I can see how I've contributed to some of this with codependency and anxiety. I work out frequently and that definitely helps.

Good luck, OP. I'm rooting for you. [/quote]

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