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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have mental health issues. The fear my spouse would leave me adds to the anxiety and unlovable/rejected feeling. Maybe your DH can sense you hate him and want to leave? [/quote]

There's certainly that possibility (i definitely don't hate him, but i can see how he could get into that thought spiral when i do resent how much i can't depend on him for anything). sometimes [b]i feel like what he wants is for me to have no needs of my own and to just exist as a person to support him [/b]and catch all the balls he can't handle. he says he loves me so much but i often feel that love is only in relation to him, not about me as an individual unique person.

given your spouse is a human being also with their own needs for support  and attention and their own stress and frustrations that sometimes come out in imperfect ways, what do you wish they'd do to make the overall situation better (i mean that as a serious question)[/quote]

DP with mental health problems. Sometimes the spouse of the struggling person looks like they're really good at everything. I always thought it was cruel to make me do things that were sooooooo hard for me when they seemed so easy for spouse. I think if mentally healthy spouse said, "hey, I actually can't deal with the status quo, I'm struggling with xyz, and I know you're struggling too, and can we could talk about it?" I think struggling spouse would probably say "Oh come on, you're so good with the kids, whereas I'm terrible etc etc." It will probably take a while to convince them that you really do need help sometimes. Then it will take a while to convince struggling spouse that they actually have anything to offer. And maybe they don't and outside help is the answer.  [/quote]

Thats helpful. thanks.  and do you feel like the bold is correct? because of your own challenges there is really no space in your capacity to care about your partner also having needs because relative to what you're facing they seem fine?[/quote]

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