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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To be fair to him, meetings are only one hour.[/quote]

Well, that may be true, but my AH goes an hour before the meeting and stays up to an hour after the meeting.  He goes to meetings twice a day.  So, I hardly ever see him.  He's been sober for 11 months.  He has become self-righteous and condescending.  There are a few women that attend AA that have become very friendly with him, but of course he says they are only friends.  Our marriage is suffering.  He has been told by senior AA members that marriages rarely survive sobriety if the spouse does not attend Al-anon religiously.  I attended Al-anon, however it is difficult to attend regularly as I work out of town.  [b]He left me without even the decency to tell me he was moving out and moving in with his sponsor.  I[/b] just came home from work and his things were gone.  We did not argue and I have always been very supportive of his attending AA and of his sobriety.  I think he is being pushed to divorce me and look for a relationship with someone in "the program."  [/quote]

Wha??  [/quote]

I’ve read of other very similar stories and warned my husband about what could happen at meetings. The 13th step is an inside joke about how some old timers or sponsors prey on newcomers for sex and favors. The meetings are full of people from all walks of life and some are shady if not downright dangerous to be around (sex offenders can be anonymous). Remember being sober doesn’t mean somebody doesn’t have serious mental issues. There are narcissists and predators peppered at AA, and thirsty women. Since the non alcoholic spouse is viewed as a “normie” who can’t possibly understand the alcoholic then the spouse slowly gets convinced his marriage isn’t what he needs for his recovery. He needs to be selfish, and put AA above family (very cultish IMO). This is where the women in search of sex and relationship come in at AA wanting to steal husbands. Be very careful. [/quote]

New poster here. I am divorced and now generally very happy dating a former alcoholic who has been sober since college. I'm reading this thread and about to vent because I am uncomfortable feeling about his AA meetings. First, he met his former girlfriend there, and actually told me when we first met that "she was appealing because she didn't drink." I remember the tone, it was judgmental about those who drink, and it actually seemed to insinuate that AA people were somehow better than normal, functional people who are not alcoholics.

It feels like a cult. I disagree with things he says like people who are alcoholics can't be held accountable for their actions, even if they weren't drunk when the performed them - here's an example: ex-girlfriend had a long affair with her married boss. BF says, "Well, she was an alcoholic back then..." I say, "Well, she wasn't drunk 24/7, so maybe when she sobered up in the morning, she would have maybe ended things." He excuses it because of the drinking. I disagree. And so on.
 
So now I've revealed the secret rift between us to all of DCUM! It's AA, and I hate it and a lot of the garbage I hear from that place. I also hate that it lets BF hang out with a bunch of very troubled messed up people he has nothing in common with (except their terrible relationship with alcohol) instead of focusing on making interesting, loyal, good new friends in real life. I worry about that. He's way less judgmental about people in AA than in real life. It's like a crutch, and a very very unhealthy one.

I would say it's the biggest issue between us. I usually let it go, but I think AA's a crock. And I wouldn't trust anyone in there unless I met them in real life and got to judge them like I would anyone I wanted to spend time with - and that's not cheaters and people who steal and relapse and think it's all sort of okay and almost a prize because they are alcoholics. Lots and lots of drama, lots of narcissism. Vent over.

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