Reply to How do you get over being ostracized from a group?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP it would help me to understand how mean these mean girls really are if you could paraphrase what they were saying - but I realize that may be too painful.

Were they saying you have a funny laugh and they are so tired of you and Jon fighting every time the group got together?  Sometimes friends gossip and it's not always flattering but it may not be mean spirited.  Of course you are entitled to your feelings, and different people have different levels of sensitivity to such things.[/quote]

It wasn't just women. I wouldn't categorize them as mean girls. Maybe some of them. The things they said were not idle gossip. Some of them were flat out lies (saying I'd said things I never said), or ascribing terrible motivations to things I done or said (like "She skipped Karen's party because she was trying to punish Karen for something " when I'd skipped that party because... I was out of town for work). They were taking normal or innocuous things about me and turning them into examples of how boring or stupid or uptight I was. Multiple people also talked about my appearance in a very hurtful way (is there a non-hurtful way to gossip about a friend's appearance?).

If it had just been the group who it turned out never liked me, I would have been hurt but not humiliated. What pushed it over the edge for me was discovering that people I was very close to and had confided in were saying the same stuff, in a way that made it sound like they thought I was awful. Like imagine if you overheard your best friend or a sibling making jokes about you behind your back with someone who barely knows you and hates you. It was not innocent gossip. I have engaged in the kind of gossip you are referring to. It was was like Heathers-level cruelty, but from adults with mortgages and kids and stuff. [/quote]

I am so sorry, OP. This is so insanely hurtful and I’d feel the same way. As an outsider looking in though, this group is TOXIC. These people sound not only exhausting but cruel and mean and just reading your posts made my stomach hurt. Honestly - being free’d from this group of lunatics is a gift from the universe. Forget all about them. They will surely pick a new victim if they haven’t already. What a sad, pathetic bunch of losers.

I think you’ve done all the right things in regards to social media. Just keep on keeping on. Take care of your friendships with your old friends, those are the most genuine in my experience.  [/quote]

OP here. That is so kind, thank you. I know you are right and I try to remind myself often that knowing what I know now, it's clear these people were not true friends. I always imagine them in my head just happily being friends and loving each other, but you're right that they probably still have tons of drama and backstabbing going on because it's not like their behavior towards me came out of nowhere. Thank you for reminding me of that![/quote]

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