Reply to DH said that he’s not married on FB chat

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]WRONG!! OMG--so wrong! Mine did. His iphone was left unlocked. We have the same passwords on our iphones...and I have his PW for email account.

What cheaters don't provide---is the hidden burner/fake email accounts, sometimes a hidden throwaway/no account burner phone or evidence of the skype account they use to message/call with zero trace on phone or phone bill.[/quote]

This is 100% correct, coming from a reformed cheater. I had an email account I used to communicate with my AP's. When I was alone I'd log into it on my phone, but using the secret mode on the phone's browser instead of an email app. I'd close the browser when I was done. Simple as that, and completely untraceable. My ex had my phone's password and was free to look at it at any time, and I was in no danger of being caught.

A lot of cheaters aren't smart enough to do that, amazingly. But don't assume that an open phone means no cheating (if there are other red flags).[/quote]

Or if there are NO other red flags!!  We by all means had a GREAT marriage.  We never fought.  We had a great sex life all 20 years (3-4 times per week, variety, etc.).  We loved each other's company.  We were very social together.  We never took boys' or girls' trips alone or vacationed alone.  We got along extremely well with each other's families.  We both worked and contributed to household duties.

Sometimes, it really is something inside the cheater him/herself that causes crap like this in middle age.  Mine had all kinds of buried family trauma emerge right around our oldest kid was the age when his cheating, alcoholic father left and mother ignored the kids.  It's taking LOTS of therapy.  And, I'm still not sure about the whole 'narcissist' aspect.  Therapist claims tendencies are high because of brain trauma from childhood, but not full-blown clinical since put himself in therapy and acknowledges his faults.  Who knows.

What I do know is I don't see all affairs or cheaters the same minus one fact....it is ALWAYS on them. No matter what happens in a marriage--you never handle it through deceit/lying and cheating.  You work on it, address it or agree to leave BEFORE you engage in sexual activity outside of your marriage vows.  PERIOD.  There is a whole lot of self-delusion and scapegoating that goes on for somebody to convince themselves that cheating is ok.[/quote]

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