Reply to Don’t you think people overestimate how much time they have to spend with their kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m firmly in the camp that tweens and teens need more time. A lot of time. And if people were more available to kids at these emotional and hormonal moments there’d be less messed up kids.

Little kids hardly recall all the stuff you did and a provider is often down to provide the stimulation and laughter and learning little ones need. [/quote]

I disagree.  It’s not about what a child actively remembers.  It’s about emotional security and the needed engagement of the early years that creates brain connections and learning.  This can be achieved with an involved SAHP, a good nanny, or a good daycare.

After that, it’s a natural part of human development to become independent from your parents.  If I had stayed home with my child during middle school and now in high school, I still wouldn’t have more time with her as she has always been involved in after-school sports, second language enrichment and her friends.

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DP. I am around lot of teens. I can't tell who was in daycare, had a nanny, had a SAHM, etc. when they were little. I CAN tell who has engaged parents when they are teens, but this has nothing to do with whether they have a SAHM or not.

Stop trying to create mommy wars OP. [/quote]

“Engaged” parents of a teen doesn’t mean a SAHP or being the chauffeur to a high school football team.  Both parents can remain engaged whether they are both working or not.

And the quality of zero-to-three engagement is very much a determining factor in who that teen is whether it’s apparent to you or not.

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Nobody said 0-3 engagement wasn't important, just that teens who had 0-3 nanny, daycare, or SAHM are not distinguishable. Engagement and caring matters regardless of childcare.

Some people seem to think that having a SAHM or a nanny or whatever from ages 0-3 is some sort of magic bullet against teen issues, and it's just not. [/quote]

So you really think there is no difference between having someone take care of you from 0-3, the end, vs. someone who takes care of you from 0-3 and then is still there in your life when you are a teen? Or the same as having daycare center employees you have long forgotten from 0-3, or a nanny you may no longer be in touch with? Really? I mean, you can't see the difference in quality between those three relationships? Stability is important to all human beings, but especially for kids as they grow. I think a consistent caregiver is a more enriching and valuable relationship. Bonus points if it's a caregiver who loves you.[/quote]

I am the PP who is around teens. Look, all I am saying is that after spending a lot of time around a lot of teens, I can't tell the difference between the teens who had daycare/SAHM/nanny/grandparent/whatever from 0-3. I can tell the difference between teens who had and have engaged parents or not, but what those parents do and did for childcare seems pretty irrelevant.

I don't know why this is so unbelievable to you, but it is my lived experience and it isn't uncommon among other people around teens, either. I sense that you want to believe having a SAHM from 0-3 is some sort of vaccine against teen problems, but it just isn't. [/quote]

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