Reply to Have you / would you talk about your affair with your therapist?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had a wonderful therapist for the end period of my A and afterward when I had a d-day. During the A, she questioned me often on why I thought was doing okay. I gave her reasons that at the time I thought were valid (though now I see they were all self-justifications for my choices). She would gently probe and I would always leave thinking that I needed to end things, but I never did, which was 100% on me. She couldn't change my mind unless I wanted to change my mind.

After the A ended and I had my d-day, she again was very supportive yet consistently asked me to think through my actions and thoughts. She would allow me to vent and cry and yet always said things that made me think after the appointment. She never "okayed" what I did and always challenged me if I thought that was the best course of action.

I am so thankful for her. She never made me feel judged, though in retrospect I can see how she tried to direct me toward making healthier choices (I just wasn't in a mindset to do so at that time). I worked hard on myself in the aftermath and I do credit her for talking me through things and challenging my old mindsets and coping skills. I now am active on an affair website where I message with MW, and I always try to channel her kindness and empathy.[/quote]

What type of website are you on? Are you advocating cheating there? Giving pointers/tricks of the trade? 
[b]A message board on relationships. I do not advocate for cheating at all...I advocate for truth and solving personal/marital issues in an authentic and healthy way.[/b]

Did you tell your husband?  Did you come clean about length of time, your level of commitment to AP?
[b]Yes to all these questions. [/b]

Was D-day your spouse finding out or just your AP breaking up with you?
[b]AP and I ended it a few months before. D-day was me telling my spouse.
[/b]
How did it end? How long did it last?
[b]AP ghosted me. It was off and on for a year.[/b]

Did you end your marriage? Did your husband forgive you?
[b]My H and I are still together. I did a lot of work on myself and my marriage, and both of us worked a lot on all of the issues that were in our marriage. We are not perfect but we communicate much better than we ever did before I made my hurtful choices. We were both conflict avoidant.
[/b]
Will you cheat again?
[b]No. I know firsthand the pain of adultery and have no desire to walk that path again. I have worked hard to learn new mindsets and coping skills. 
[/b]
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