Reply to How do you politely decline a request of guardianship?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you plan to say no, you can say something along the lines of what my brother said when I asked him: "You know I adore the kids" (I do and he does), "but if you have other, more settled people in your life you could ask, I should probably come after them" (he's a bachelor with chronic health issues). "But if you need me you know I'll always be there for them and will do whatever they need, and would be extra involved as an uncle." (I might, I do, and he would.) No hard feelings. I appreciated his honesty and self-awareness. He's still on the list, but he's like 4th in line. Just be really open and sincere and kind if you do say no. [/quote]

This is different. Your brother has reasons why it would be physically very difficult for him to fulfill the obligations, not just not wanting the burden. Plus, he said he would do it if needed. He sounds like a very good brother and uncle.

My sister asked one of our brothers if he would be the guardian for her son back when her son was a kid. Our brother declined, saying he didn't want kids. Now there are hard feelings 20+ years later. Our sister wasn't asking if he wanted kids; she was asking if he would care for her young son if he was alone in the world and had no one else to care for him. I was too young at the time to be considered, and I recall her being so upset because there really wasn't another decent option.

Now for my kids, my sister is #1 in line for guardianship and her husband is #2, because even if something happened to her then he would be our next best choice. We come from a really messed up family so there are very few safe options.

OP, do what you want, but know that it will probably harm your relationship if you say you'd rather leave her kid alone in the world.[/quote]

If you don't have the family system, then you create your village. This is where close friends come in. If he doesn't want kids, he should not be the emergency guardian. It would be far worse for him to say yes, she doesn't look for enough truly willing people, and then I guarantee one of 2 things happen in the event of crisis a) He refuses to take the child. Happens all.the.time. Plenty of kids in foster care have people who claimed they were willing to take in the child in case of emergency (death isn't the only reason a child needs a placement). B) He takes in the child and gives the child a miserable life because he is full of resentment.

I cannot advocate enough for people to only agree to guardianship if you are truly willing to take that child in a provide a stable and loving home no matter your own circumstances. It is cruel to agree to it to simply keep the peace. You would be surprised how many people even first and second on the list never had any intention of actually stepping in if needed. Think long and hard about whether you can truly provide a home for the child. If not, say what you can do instead....visit, be a loving influence, or whatever. Do not promise something you cannot deliver even if 10th on the list. I have heard it all.....

Here is the list of excuses I have heard from people first, second, third and 4th on the legal list of potential guardians

1.) I just agreed because we are sisters, but my kids don't get along with hers.
2.) Work is too busy.
3.) I now have an elderly parent to care for (who lives in assisted living).
4.) My husband doesn't want it.
5.) He/she has too many behavioral or emotional issues.
6.) I don't have the energy. I was younger when I agreed.
7.) I have my own health issues now.
8.) Don't have room in our home.
9.) She causes too much drama and chaos.
10). We don't want to deal with a child who has been traumatized.

I could go on. Assume no matter where you are on the list that you are #1.  [/quote]

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