Reply to If you were a stepparent who divorced, did you feel used by your spouse and stepkid(s)?

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Reply to "If you were a stepparent who divorced, did you feel used by your spouse and stepkid(s)?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I assume that OP's friend does not have kids.  Depending on how they set up their finances I do not think she would have to financially contribute in a material way.  For example, they could contribute pro rata by income to a joint account from which joint expenses are paid (i.e. food, mortgage, utilities, whatever else).  They could maintain separate accounts for their personal expenses (i.e. college funds for kids, clothes or early retirement account for OP's friend).  There will be some overlap here because obviously the kids eat food and increase utility costs but most of the expenses for the children would come from the parent.

I really doubt children would even notice this type of setup unless OP's friend makes a boatload of money and lives like a rockstar and the husband does not make much money.

I can see this being a much more difficult situation if OP's friend has more kids with the guy or if OP's friend had existing children.
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What if the stepkid's bio mom couldn't pay for things or wants more child support? What is the stepmom gonna do? I would suggest separate accounts and never conmingling their finances. Depending on how often the teens are with them, OP's friend can negotiate to pay a lower percentage of the utilities, groceries, etc. Don't contribute to mortgage unless he puts her name on the deed. Women need to be smart and know how to not get manipulated by men and kids who play the "we didn't choose you as our stepmom" card. [/quote]

I think that's exactly what I said.  If biomom wants more support she goes to the dad/husband and he can choose to pay out of his separate accounts or not.

I disagree with your statement about not contributing to the mortgage per se.  If she is living in his house she would pay him a market amount for "rent" so to speak although as a renter she would not pay for repairs/upgrades.  Or they can refinance and add her to the deed, either option can work.[/quote]

Spouses don't pay rent.  If she's working she can pay for other things but this being petty is a bit to much and then isn't a marriage.  If Dad is smart, he'll pay for things directly over child support vs. sending mom the money.  Learned that the hard way given most of the wishes were made up.  Mom also has to contribute to her child's care and everything isn't covered under child support.    You all are really petty.[/quote]

It was painful, humiliating, and mostly futile asking my dad for things. I asked for very basic clothes (we wore school uniforms), food, to get the electric bill paid. My mom was too physically ill to work, but couldn’t get welfare because she and my dad were still legally married. My dad only occasionally voluntarily gave money and he would create this big ceremony over calling us into the kitchen while he extracted a big wad of bills and handed it to my mom in front of us. But we could see that it was just a bunch of ones and the occasional five. We were so hungry that I once ate an emergency candle. [/quote]

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