Reply to Forced into a "Healing Circle"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This sounds awful, OP. But unless you want to run the risk of this being your hill to die on, I’d play along. Check your job description/ work requirements to see if they say anything about “communicates with colleagues,” or “contributes to positive atmosphere” etc. if so, they could use those to penalize you for not going along. I’m not saying it’s likely, esp since this person is outside your org, but it’s possible.

Maybe I would try to redirect at the circle. Try to get them to focus on actual work and tangible effects (if any), not just feelings. I’d also set limits for the circle thing. Say upfront that you only have fifteen minutes, and you want a very clear objective in mind, even if it’s just making the person “feel heard” (ick), so once that’s over you can say, mission accomplished, were done here![/quote]

+1  Play the game OP.  Fighting it will not work for you if you've got leadership in both organizations saying that this is their fix.  It is a sign of the times.  It will pass eventually but for right now you need to accept it and play along even though it is pretty clear that Larla is trying to bully you into doing what she wants.

I wouldn't set limits or even be tongue-in-cheek.  I would use the popular culture parlance to my advantage though.  So basically go with "I'm hurt and upset that Larla didn't approach me personally before going to supervisors," and "I'm feeling intimidated and pressured that I will always have to act on Larla's input even when it may not be in the best interest of the organization or our goals,"  and "I'm feeling like we are undermining our clients when we arbitrarily enact staff choices without hearing the voices of our clients."[/quote]

I forgot to mention the survey. Don't give them ammunition by completing it. Just respond politely that you won't have time to complete the survey but you are fully engaged in the process and looking the healing for both parties that will come from the circle.  If they push back during the circle then just say this is all so upsetting and you're feeling attacked.[/quote]

You are so good! It’s like acting.  Use their dialog and play a role.  [/quote]

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