Reply to If Affair was in the past, do you disclose?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow, the volume of terrible advice you are getting on this is amazing!

Tell, tell, tell, and not for you but for your spouse.  You cannot rebuild your marriage on lies.  Also, you need to do your own therapy to figure your crap out and really learn why you looked elsewhere to fix your problems instead of communicating with your spouse and leaving the marriage first.  EVERY therapist that specializes in infidelity recommends telling, and will often facilitate the disclosure.  Having your spouse find out years later - and you won’t believe how often this happens- is horrific for the spouse.  They have to process something that, to them, feels like it just happened while you may have processed it years and years ago.  It will make your spouse feel that everything that happened in their life since the affair was a lie.  Go to survivinginfidelity.com and just read through the forums - you will get much better advice there from people who have dealt with infidelity, and every single poster will recommend telling.  Don’t underestimate the trauma this will cause your spouse, even though the affair is over.[/quote]

Agree.  The 'lay people' touting continued dishonesty are doing you a disservice, OP.[/quote]

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