Reply to Wife's odd reaction to my parents and "fun secrets"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry that y'all have parents who are pedophiles and will rape your children.  I cannot empathize at all.  People in our social circle are not worried that their parents will rape their children and they don't get offended about every little thing that the grandparents do.  YMMV. [/quote]

You’re an idiot. No one here is worried the grandparents will do anything inappropriate- learn reading comprehension. Little kids aren’t exactly good at nuance - understanding secrets are only ok from grandma/certain adults vs their soccer coach. So you draw a firm line that there are no secrets. It’s not hard to understand and I’d rather be thought of as over protective than regret it. When stories like Sandusky come around, you never hear parents saying oh yeah, definitely suspected it. People are always shocked.[/quote]

DP.  Kids are capable of understanding that grandma is different than a stranger or even the lady next door.  When you teach in absolutes you do more harm than good.  [/quote]

Really little kids are, in fact, not always capable of making that distinction.[/quote]

As evidenced by LIFE. Sandusky, Nassir, ice skating coaches (rampant problem in that sport), priest, etc. Do you ever read a newspaper? [/quote]

There is a huge difference between the names and figures you're quoting and OP's mother.  Please get a grip and don't raise your child to be afraid of everything and everyone.  You're doing more harm than good when you do that.  Even a toddler can tell the difference between Grandma and the stranger down the street.  And OP would not be randomly leaving her kid with the stranger down the street.  It is very worrisome about the state of your mental health that you don't understand this.

FWIW I work with high risk kids, these are kids who actually -have- been emotionally, sexually and physically abused by friends, family and strangers.  One stand out take-away from my work is that many of the kids I work with never been taught to distinguish between whom they can trust and whom they can't.  So many of them don't have a sensor and they either trust everyone or they trust no one.  Neither absolute of the trust continuum is good.

In general kids need to be told repeatedly that they should not keep secrets from their parents or caregivers because those are the person who need to know enough about their lives to keep them safe.  So secrets are not good while surprises are okay.

However, kids also need to hear that their parents and guardians trust their (kids) health and well-being to other people, like Grandma or Aunt Margie or Babysitter Todd.  Parents and guardians also should tell the kids that they want the kids to tell them if there is ever anything that makes them worry about Grandma or Aunt Margie or Babysitter Todd.

Frankly if everyone is communicating and parents/guardians are acting within their responsibility areas then the likelihood of abuse goes way down. [/quote]

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