Reply to If you’ve been with your partner for 12-20 + years & have kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This chart was a real eye opener for me.  By your 40s, which is 15 years of marriage for a lot of folks, only 23% are still having sex more than once a week and by your 50s, which is the 20-25 year mark, half of couples are sexless (by definition sex once a month or less).  Those stats include second marriage which have more sexual frequency.

https://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2014/12/4/sex-question-friday-how-often-do-married-couples-have-sex

Point being, its an ugly secret that a lot of married people just stop doing it (at least with each other), which is why things like affairs and divorce that seem so out of bounds as young couples become common when you get older.

You must make an effort to keep the sexual flame alive, and once a week is doing fine, relatively speaking.[/quote]

If you lay that chart over a chart showing age relative to sex hormones, there is nothing ugly or secret about it. It is normal. But our love of literature and movies highlights the hot and heavy, which is fun and exciting, so some people can’t separate fact from fiction. [b]Movies about lovely, quiet evenings reading on the porch, listening for bird calls, after sharing the cooking, meal, and clean up just aren’t made. But that is a loving and happy evening in a solid marriage[/b].[/quote]

I found this sad, actually.  I mean, yes of course that type of non-sexual intimacy is fine if you are 75 and sitting in rocking chairs, but for people in their 40s and 50s, in years 12-20 of marriage, to have intimacy resigned to contentment and birdwatching in lieu of steamy sex and passion just isn't a good trade, at least not for men.[/quote]

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