Reply to I’m married and I have developed feelings for a friend

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[quote=Anonymous]First, op, I’ll believe you when you say your husband is disconnected. He may very well be a bump on a log.

I can’t understand why he would choose to stay home while you go out in mixed company.

Even if he doesn’t want to go, he should go if only to remind the other bulls that he’s also a bull and that you two are a functioning couple.

I doubt this friend would have had one on one conversations with you if your husband had been nearby. 
Second, he’s 40, if he wanted kids, he’d have had them by now. He certainly doesn’t want to be a stepdad to yours, he’ll have no legal rights, all the attitude, all of the emotional moments and still not be their dad.

Even if he does want you, you don’t want to play second fiddle to his ex.  I can guarantee you that there is more to the story then what he told you. Again, if he wanted to get married, he’d have told the ex “I want to get married, you don’t, good luck”. He wouldn’t have waited six years if marriage was his goal.

The beautiful thing is that he can tell you anything you want to hear and you are believing it. Even if its all true, he doesn’t want to have the life you want with him.

Now onto you. You need to eat and go to bed with your husband. No staying up late.  There is something very nice about getting into bed with your spouse and just being physically close ideally naked.

Second, lay off the therapy.  If you find or think your husband is gay or addicted to something or has something wrong, therapy is fine.  It may help you process some difficult information.

You don’t want to use therapy as a way to essentially call him to the principal’s office.

You do need to sit him down and talk with him about how you feel and what you want. My husband pointed out that even a burger at McDonald’s can be a nice date. He’s right.

Start by sharing the same space as your husband and the same schedule.  If nothing changes, then you may need a come-to-Jesus talk.

Deffinately don’t contact the other guy and don’t see him anymore not unless your husband is present.

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