Reply to Some questions about adoption!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In their health family histories, my parents experienced alcoholism on the paternal side (my grandparents) and depression on the maternal side (my grandmother and aunt).  They still chose to birth 3 children. One is an alcoholic and one is bipolar.  Thank goodness I escaped both.

Putting kids together piece by piece is not possible.   I have read  thousands  of posts on DCUM where (bio) children were created and raised without a second thought to the family health  history.  That's irresponsible. If health histories are as important as posters say, then they are important in the creation of bio children as well as adoptive children.  Yet bio parents seem to disregard examples like alcoholic grandparents or their 2 aunts' bipolar disorder.  Weird. [/quote]

What exactly is your point?  What reaction are you looking for?  Your post is really weird.[/quote]

NP here. I think PP is trying to say that prospective adoptive families worry too much about health histories of their potential adopted children, especially compared to families who have children the traditional way- many/most disregard what’s in their own health history and have children with little thought to the consequences and impact on those kids.  [/quote]

It is two very different issues.  Not all families have great insurance that may cover behavioral or mental health issues.  Bipolar, schizophrenia and other things are very very difficult to treat.  Regardless of birth or adoption, if your child has it, you deal with it but its a bit different when you grew up with those things in your family and its your normal.  Some adoptive parents put a lot more thought into becoming parents and the impact it will have on them and your child/ren.  With drug/alcohol use, you very much can control that in your biological children.  You can prevent some things, not everything obviously but heavy drug/alcohol use plays a huge role in development and can have serious life long issues for kids who then become adults.  If you haven't had kids with those issues or worked with them, you may not understand the seriousness of it.

As a parent with a child who did have SN, I had to quit my job to get my child to all the daily therapies and we had to find a way to pay for it all.  We could make it work but many are not willing and able.  We turned down situations early on as we were not prepared for life long care and when we started we couldn't afford at the time to be on one income, especially with the adoption expenses.  Adoption is easily $20-60K and then you could easily end up with a few thousand a month in therapy and doctor's appointments on top of either having to hire a nanny or stay home as most day cares are not equip to deal with SN plus as a parent I wasn't comfortable sending a child to day care or preschool who wasn't verbal enough to tell me if they were being abused or in any way hurt.[/quote]

I am sorry that your parenting journey has been an ordeal. Again, if you look at the special needs thread, you will find many others who can relate. It sounds so difficult and your child is lucky to have such devoted, loving parents. BUT, most people who share your experience are not adoptive parents. You cannot put the "blame" for this all on adoption. It happens. To both adoptive and bio-parents. Sad, difficult...but not always avoidable regardless of your route to parenthood.[/quote]

That wasn't the ordeal in our adoption.  Far worse has happened.  That as no big deal but the point being is you have to be prepared for the financial aspect of not only adoption but also any needs that come up.  Parents with biological children are not spending $20-80K to adopt.  It doesn't have anything to do with adoption and ours could have happened we didn't adopt but the point is it was the cost of adoption, plus all the therapies and needing to quit my job to manage it all.   I would do it all over again for my child  and I understood what was involved but many don't.[/quote]

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