Reply to I’m really sad about who my son is

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What are the things you like about your son?[/quote]

He has varied interests 
He can be passionate 
He shares my political views 
He cares about racism and confronts his very privileged white friends often 
[/quote]
Those are great qualities. Does he work? It sounds like he would be a good candidate for a political canvassing position. [/quote]

OP I'm sure the entire situation is painful to you. Many of the things you said caused your sadness could have been said about my son in his teens. He actually didn't make it through high school (his problems were exacerbated by a school system where even before middle school there was resistance and hostility towards his special needs). Also DH died when he was 13. Honestly, there were times when what with the tears and my heart actually hurting that I didn't know if either of us would survive, period.

In our case, I had to be his ally (because of the school crap, which also led to juvenile justice involvement, although I had the satisfaction of seeing a number of charges dropped before being formalized and a judge dressing down prosecutors for bringing them in the first place, and his h.s. principal banning one asst principal from so much as speaking to him).

When he was 16, I was shocked when he said one day "I just realized there is nothing I am good at". I pushed him to enroll in some computer courses at school, he resisted because ironically enough he DID think he knew all that stuff. These also allowed him some college credits (dual credit setup).

And yes, there was pot and also alcohol abuse, going into his young adult years. He very narrowly avoided felony trafficking charges for pot, after he had already realized his supplier was the only one making money and quit selling small amounts of weed. Then a DUI curtailed his life for a stretch, he turned his focus to work (by then he was self-employed based on those computer courses). His life is very different now (heck, his credit limit is way higher than mine, and he is also a very good person).

I remember a speaker at a training I attended on positive behavioral supports saying one key was for a child to have things in his life he doesn't want to lose. And it is possible to build on those.

Anyway, look at my post about family members and loved ones with addiction in the off topic forum and check out the link.   [/quote]

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