Reply to Former ILs Mistreating New Wife

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I see this as OP being unhappy that her kids are being exposed to and partly in the middle of their perception of her XIL's behavior.

On the one hand, it is normal for your kids' grandparents to show interest in their lives and ask questions about things that involve them and are apart of their lives, like you. I see no problem there; the new wife knows she has married into a blended family, and that you exist and will continue to be a topic of interest and a tangential part of her life, particularly where her step kids are involved. Tell your kids that.

Your kids are clearly discussing with you the behavior of the XILs to the Step Mom. You should discuss it with them by answering their questions and advising them about what is their business, what is not their business, and how to behave and not be rude themselves. They should forge their own relationship with step mom and step sibling, ignore the way grandparents are being (as in, they can't change them, and they must not be rude to them about it either). Beyond helping your kids process and appropriately manage the situation they are in, it is not your issue. If your kids are having a lot of trouble with that, and need in the moment guidance and help, then talk to your X about what they've shared and ask if he can help them (approach it as helping the kids managing what they perceive as a difficult situation; this one is mostly in his court).[/quote]

Real question is why is OP talking to the kids about this and not telling them this is adult stuff and to stay out of it.  Exactly what role is she playing here?[/quote]

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