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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, hugs. You sound very level-headed and nice. You are still caring for your DH even though he allowed a monster into your marriage.

Sounds a little like my DH’s mother. She’s passively-aggressively mean. I used to internalize it. Then, one day, about a year after our first was born, I told him I’m number 1, then our kids, then your mother. If you can’t do this, I’m out. And I meant it. He gave me a look, thought I was crazy, then understood I was serious. That was 18 years ago.

Of course, I still can’t stand her. And toss her under the boss in most of our arguments. She’s an easy target. She shouldn’t have meddled.

It sounds like maybe you were too nice or naive and didn’t stand your ground?!

I do know that resentment is a marriage killer. And it sounds like you resent your DH.

[b]Idea: go to a therapist instead of an attorney and work through your resentment. Once you work through that, make a decision to leave or not. But don’t let that nasty woman win from the grave.[/b] [/quote]
Op here. I think you have a point, but I can’t hang on to him to spite her. For me, deciding to divorce him was stepping back from the sick tug-of-war over him he had engineered. I told him she was the only woman who still loved him and that she could have him. I meant it.[/quote]

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