Reply to Asked DH for divorce then his aunt died

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Can you give the guy a week to grieve?  You intensely disliked his aunt but she was like a mother to your dh.  I'm not saying that it sounds like he had a healthy relationship with the woman because I don't think that he did.  But this is a hard time for him and you should show him some compassion.  It's not like there's much waiting for you outside anyway.[/quote]
OP here. I want to want to show him compassion, but DH never showed me compassion as he ganged up on me with that woman. She spread hurtful rumors about me and my family, made crazy demands, cast me as a bad mom. And he always stood by her. I almost feel it serves him right to lose both of us.[/quote]

I really, really understand where you're coming from.  I'm 10 years past the point where you are (and posted about it a number of times).  Right when I was about to file for divorce (and already retained an attorney), the economy crashed and the financial consequences of divorce outweighed delaying divorce.  We had separate bedrooms on different floors, no abuse and there was no immediate need to move.  Then, my IL died which eliminated a big issue.  We ended up reconciling.

Like you, my IL issue was really a DH problem.  We had a lot of counseling during and after the crisis and while we ended up not divorcing and have a good marriage, it's not the relationship it was.  It's like a mirror with a crack that's not bad enough to render the mirror unusable but it's not as good as it was and there are a lot better out there.  I say this not to persuade you to stay and especially not to tell you that you can't be happy that horrible woman is gone (you have my permission to feel some satisfaction with that).  I say it because it may be better in the long run for you to wait this out a bit.  I know you want out and your relationship may be irretrievably broken but, in the over all scheme of things, what makes sense for you to do for the next 3 months?  If there's violence/abuse/addiction, I'd say get out immediately.  But, it doesn't sound like that is an issue.

Good luck.  Hugs. [/quote]
OP here. Thanks for sharing this. I don’t think my feelings towards him will ever be the same. Too much has happened. My feelings range from a vague empathy because he’s the kids’ father to borderline hatred when he opens his mouth and starts showing his personality. It would be much easier on my poor kids to get both parents under one roof, if we can be civil. I would be willing to stay for now if we can maintain civility. I dont love him anymore though. Unless a miracle happens, I will divorce him eventually. But I’d like to give the kids some divorce-free stability until they are older.[/quote]

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