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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Good man, love him, and he's always had a lower libido than I. Compromise with reduced frequency and same-old, same-old super-vanilla (lets get real: less than vanilla) sex was something I could compromise on. But after 12 years, we're down to zero and have been for almost 2 years. I don't bother to ask anymore. I will get a divorce after kids are up and out in another 10.  I don't hang it over his head like a threat because: a) I don't want coerced sex and b) a decade-long threat is toxic--we're still married, parenting, friends, and so on, and need kindness to do that well. Divorce won't be a surprise, though. It's depressing as hell, sometimes. [/quote]
No thoughts about finding a FWB?[/quote]

Yes. My thoughts are
- I don't like to lie or sneak around. Anything as profound as that should be discussed and agreed upon in principle, even though the identity of the "friend" I find would probably have to be my secret. 
- I think even the conversation would be painful and perceived as a divorce, and would be very risky to our marriage and coparenting. Once the door is opened, don't think I can shut it. I'd need to be very very sure, and willing to risk that. I'm not, yet. 
- The taboo of having "an affair" even if sanctioned by my husband--if I were found out by someone else--is palpable. 
- I would not want my husband to find his own fwb. If he has a sex drive, I'd want it expressed with me. Not sure how he'd feel to be left out of such a deal. Just another risk factor (see above). 
- Not sure I can have a fwb without the emotional side of a relationship. Think it could turn nasty. Would probably just be cleaner to divorce.

Basically I'm not sure a fwb would be a solution rather than just another big stinky problem, in the end. Ymmv. 
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