Reply to Why do ppl “stay for the kids?”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Fear?  Money?  Not wanting to downsize?

I don’t understand this mentality- can you explain? [b] Everyone I know whose parents “stayed for the kids,”[/b] later resented then for lying or have trouble in their own relationships now.  Not looking for any passive aggressive answers, I’m just genuinely curious as to how this models what a loving marriage should be to children.  Life just seems too short to only roll with the punches day-by-day.  I know I wouldn’t want back and look at my life and seeing how I waited such and such years as a countdown to when the kids graduated Hs.  [/quote]
Do you really not see how circular this is? By definition, the people who found out their parents "stayed for the kids" (much less told you about it) are going to be the ones for whom it went sour.  Meanwhile, who knows how many of the blissfully unaware people who are like "My parents are the cutest couple, they've been married 50 years," actually have one or both parents who stayed for the kids at some point in the marriage.

Keep in mind also that "staying for the kids" isn't always a permanent state. A couple might bare knuckle it that way for a few years, then improve the relationship to one where they genuinely prefer to stay for themselves.

I used to also have a very black and white attitude when I was younger, but since then I've realized that people are very complicated and we rarely know the truth about them or their relationships with each other.[/quote]

I don't think the OP is referring to your normal marriage with their occasional ups and downs. Yes, sometimes many if not most marriages go through a period where if you had just been dating and didn't have a family at stake, you'd just cut your losses. But in many of those scenarios the couple moves forward and manages to get to a good place in the relationship again.

[b]There are marriages where people comment they hate the other person, haven't had sex in half a decade, sleep in separate rooms and have been generally miserable for years. There's NO way the children are fooled.[/b] [/quote]

You know me?[/quote]

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