Reply to Recover from an affair (need advice from others who strayed)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am trying to mend my marriage after a long-term affair.  I was the cheater.  I am still in love with the other person but have gone no contact to try to work on things at home. We are in marriage counseling and some of issues that led to affair are being addressed but the strong feelings i have for other person are hard to overcome.  My spouse  does not want to divorce.   If you were the cheater, were you able to fall back in love with your spouse?   Judgers, please refrain from commenting -- I  know where you stand. [/quote]

I am not sure what to do in your situation. I don't understand the position of your spouse that doesn't want to divorce.  I've been cheated on, with a long-term affair, and in my experience recovery goes like this:

Discovery -&gt; anger and offer to divorce from the wronged spouse -&gt; begging for forgiveness and wanting to be forgiven -&gt; the road to recovery.

There is no recovery without asking for forgiveness and wanting to reconcile, by the cheater.   If the cheated-on spouse doesn't want to divorce...I don't know what to tell you.  She or he should want to divorce.  Even if she or he doesn't, you should think that they do, just so that you can repent properly.  The proper process is that they try to walk out, and you crawl after them on your knees trying to beg them not to leave. Anything else, I don't know how it would work.

If you don't want to beg and reconcile, then I don't think you ought to occupy yourself with forcing &quot;in-love&quot;ness, and the fact that your spouse doesn't want to divorce shouldn't stop you.[/quote]

This. All of it. [/quote]

This.... well said.[/quote]

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