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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP. Thank you so much for these responses.  They have all been so helpful and given me some ideas.  I am going to have the either we fix this or it’s end of us talk this weekend. [/quote]

OP- I live in a family of people with various diagnosed and undiagnosed ADD. The anxiety makes the symptoms much worse. Before heading to divorce, tell your DH he needs to consider cognitive behavioral therapy. It will help with the anxiety. He also needs a very set, very explicit routine at home. Think about what would help you the most-- maybe he gets a "room to toss his stuff into" if a massive cleaning project is too overwhelming. 
ADD is not a condition of selfishness or immaturity-- it's a brain based struggle. I'm not saying you should sacrifice your life or be miserable if things aren't working out, but there are strategies that can help your DH. Also, consider that his medication is wearing off by the evening most likely-- it might be that he could really help you (in a meaningful way) with the house work on the weekend mornings. 
I just know from working with my own son that people with ADD need manageable strategies to get them through life's executive functioning challenges. 
If there are things that you still love and appreciate about your DH, work with him on some strategies-- ultimatums don't really help, because again, he will be well-intentioned, but won't hold up his end because he doesn't have a good plan in place. [/quote]

Thank you for this. I’m a DW with inattentive ADHD. And I’m lucky DH, for the most part, is understanding.

OP— this might be helpful to understand why he can’t do the simplest tasks. This was so eye opening for me. Because it drive me crazy that I can’t do the simplest things even when I want to do them.

https://youtu.be/Uo08uS904Rg

https://youtu.be/hlObsAeFNVk

[/quote]

Thank you for sharing these links. Useful for building up my patience with ADHD family members. - NP[/quote]

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