Reply to I'm Drowning Here

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "I'm Drowning Here "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP. Thank you so much for these responses.  They have all been so helpful and given me some ideas.  I am going to have the either we fix this or it’s end of us talk this weekend. [/quote]

OP- I live in a family of people with various diagnosed and undiagnosed ADD. The anxiety makes the symptoms much worse. Before heading to divorce, tell your DH he needs to consider cognitive behavioral therapy. It will help with the anxiety. He also needs a very set, very explicit routine at home. Think about what would help you the most-- maybe he gets a "room to toss his stuff into" if a massive cleaning project is too overwhelming. 
ADD is not a condition of selfishness or immaturity-- it's a brain based struggle. I'm not saying you should sacrifice your life or be miserable if things aren't working out, but there are strategies that can help your DH. Also, consider that his medication is wearing off by the evening most likely-- it might be that he could really help you (in a meaningful way) with the house work on the weekend mornings. 
I just know from working with my own son that people with ADD need manageable strategies to get them through life's executive functioning challenges. 
If there are things that you still love and appreciate about your DH, work with him on some strategies-- ultimatums don't really help, because again, he will be well-intentioned, but won't hold up his end because he doesn't have a good plan in place. [/quote]

Thanks for this. He has two offices. So our children have one bedroom each; my husband has two offices filled with junk but really only works from one (just stores junk in the other one) and then we have our bedroom.  So our five bedroom at this point are all occupied.  A couple of weeks ago I told him one office space has to be mine.  I have a hobby that I love and have been unable to engage in because I need a good amount of space to do it.  To his credit it looks much better than it did before but nowhere near the level it would need to be for regular use. [/quote]

OP, I think you are going to have to show him that you really mean business. (I also feel like something similar was posted before - the CPAP/snoring/moving back into the bedroom, but anyway).

He doesn't get two offices.  He just does not. Anything in your office that belongs to him goes to his office. He can move it or you can move it, but that's the deal. It's your office, you get a lock for the door, and stand your ground.

Agree with everyone else re: the counseling. And stop taking his lame high blood pressure excuse.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics