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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m not even really sure what to write. I feel like our marriage is at the beginning of the end after ten years. We’ve had a very unequal share of responsibilities and after some recent issues I have been reading about adult ADHD and it’s effect on marriages. Reading about it really clicked for me — I feel like people’s stories and the patterns shown in studies describe our issues to a ‘T.’

I brought it up tonight as gently/openly as possible, suggesting that exploring the ADHD and behavior patterns could be good for us. I encouraged us to finish reading a book together that I started myself about this topic, and for us both to keep an open mind about how we can both learn to identify these destructive patterns, and get therapy with someone who has experience with ADHD.

At first he acknowledged that sometimes he has wondered if he has ADHD but it quickly spiraled and he said he wouldn’t take medication, wouldn’t meaningfully adjust his share of our responsibilities, thinks I don’t appreciate him, and thinks I need to work on improving myself and getting to my “full potential”, and not be the “victim.” He cited his brother and my sister’s husband saying he won’t be like them, saying they “don’t have his drive” and they “settle” (because they take a larger role in household and child rearing).

I am really, really trying to understand his position and his feelings but I have never felt so hopeless in our marriage. It isn’t the first time I’ve suggested therapy (which he has declined) but it is the first time I have realized that undiagnosed adult ADHD may be an underlying issue to our problems and our destructive patterns. [/quote]

Don't feel hopeless, drag him to a psychologist who can do a battery of tests plus gather info during a clinical assessment based on his answers to all kinds of questions history. After about 3-4 sessions and 7+ hours, I got the inattentive type ADHD diagnosis at the age of 39. You don't need to get tested this comprehensively if he resists, many people will make a determination within 2 hours, one visit.

I started meds and my life utterly changed/improved. I never suspected ADHD because I did well in school, including college. I suspect that had O gone to school in the US before the age of 18, I would have been diagnosed sooner as people here are way more aware and schools have psychologists, special ed and all that. 
[/quote]

What meds helped you?  Thanks, NP[/quote]

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