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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My spouse has refused to change despite my demands, too.[/quote]

People don't change based on our demands, usually. All you can do is change your expectations and your reaction to their actions/inactions.

If it turns out you put up with their inaction, their lack of change, they've done the right thing for themself. (Right? You ask them to change, they don't, you continue on as you have been). What's got to happen is you change. So that if you  ask them to change something, and they don't, then there is a consequence (e.g. you divorce. Or you no longer have the time to take his clothes to the drycleaner by Friday morning if he can't watch the kids for x amount of time on Thursdays.

I don't mean it to be so quid pro quo, but you have to do what is reasonable for you. If my husband didn't stop leaving the toilet seat up after peeing ... I would have fallen into the toilet more often (I got to the toilet in the middle of the night without the light on so it is easier to stay sleepy), been pissed off more often, and he'd have had less access to actually touch me. Ever. Because your ass in the porcelain bowl sucks and doesn't make you particularly want to be with that asshole of a spouse who is inconsiderate enough to leave it up. And if he doesn't get it and make an effort to change that behavior, my response is going to impact him. We'd be divorced because I'd have to turn the light on in the middle of the night, wake myself up, not get back to sleep, and be a grumpy assed bitch because of it. And he wouldn't be getting any sex because my ass would have cold toilet water on it.

The fact that OP's DH isn't open to thinking about exploring a change in the division of labor is huge to me. I don't think it is a red herring at all. It is him not listening, not understanding, and not being willing to adjust for the good of the family. It may be things are already divided up well, but the fact that he won't even explore it??? Nope.[/quote]

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