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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom is caring for my grandma right now.  It’s tough.  My grandma refuses to hire 24/7 care, so my mom is her slave.  I don’t know how much more my mom can take.  My grandma is so selfish. 
[/quote]

We have 24-7 in home care for my parents. It costs 15k a month. She may not be able to afford it[/quote]

If she can’t afford expensive in home care then she needs to opt for an affordable center. If she really has no financial means other than SS and Medicare, the bill will be covered out of that at a decent facility. It’s unfair to destroy her daughter to have the experience she can’t afford.[/quote]

Not to nitpick but to educate: SS and Medicaid will pay for your stay at a long term care facility, though much more difficult to find a bed at and will not be nearly as nice as a private pay facility.
Medicare you get at 65 (a few other ways but for this purpose it’s 65) and is there for hospital stays, subacute rehab up to a certain point, but is not the payer a nursing bed.
Medicaid has to be applied for, and be prepared for the nursing facility to take all of your SS and give you between $40-60/month depending on your SS benefits. [/quote]

NP - I'm caught in the position that we can't depend on SS/Medicaid because dad doesn't want to lose his house because Mom's health is better than his and suspects will outlive him by many years.  They have a couple cars (worth very little, but still more than 1 car).  He has less than $75K left in his retirement plan (could be significantly less, I can't remember).  So, they can't afford care, they don't want to lose the little they have, so our family is helping as much as possible.  We're not at the point it's tearing us apart yet, but I can see it headed there soon since daughters (and their spouses) seem to "care the most", sons (and their wives) are less involved and one sibling is out of town.  This is all so new to me, I'm so thankful for threads like this to educate me, give ideas, and let me know what we're in for.  I have nothing to offer, but prayers for you OP and other posters.[/quote]

PP here.
[b]Medicaid can kick in for one spouse and not the other, and they are not going to kick one out of the house (why would they want 2 on Medicaid when they could only pay for one, ie) and there are all sorts of rules regarding assets and splitting with one healthy spouse.[/b]
I would start looking into that now (as I recommend for everyone) so you are armed with correct  information when the time inevitably comes.

That’s why I pop into these threads to mention this, education and information is crucial. [/quote]

This is good to know. I was told that house would have to be sold to pay, leaving healthy spouse with nowhere to live. [/quote]

You can keep a house to a certain value.  Every state has different rules.  If you are in a million dollar house you probably have to downsize and use that money but if you are in a modest house, you keep the house until you die and then the estate has to take the money from the sale of the house and pay back medicaid.[/quote]

I'm one of the earlier posters you've kindly given more info, thank you so much for your input and knowledge.  My dad is hellbent that he must have something to pass on to the kids.  We've been trying for years to convince him the kids don't need anything, but it falls on deaf ears.  And now at this point it seems cruel to say I'd rather you lose it all and give me nothing, than to take care of you.  I wish we'd been more firm on it then, rather than waiting until he feels so helpless.[/quote]

My time and sanity are more valuable than any potential inheritance. Since I’m the one carrying the weight, I have no guilt about spending my sibling’s inheritance to hire help since they choose to not participate in caregiving. [/quote]

That only works if your family has inheritance.  Stick to the topic.[/quote]

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