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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom is caring for my grandma right now.  It’s tough.  My grandma refuses to hire 24/7 care, so my mom is her slave.  I don’t know how much more my mom can take.  My grandma is so selfish. 
[/quote]

We have 24-7 in home care for my parents. It costs 15k a month. She may not be able to afford it[/quote]

If she can’t afford expensive in home care then she needs to opt for an affordable center. If she really has no financial means other than SS and Medicare, the bill will be covered out of that at a decent facility. It’s unfair to destroy her daughter to have the experience she can’t afford.[/quote]

Not to nitpick but to educate: SS and Medicaid will pay for your stay at a long term care facility, though much more difficult to find a bed at and will not be nearly as nice as a private pay facility.
Medicare you get at 65 (a few other ways but for this purpose it’s 65) and is there for hospital stays, subacute rehab up to a certain point, but is not the payer a nursing bed.
Medicaid has to be applied for, and be prepared for the nursing facility to take all of your SS and give you between $40-60/month depending on your SS benefits. [/quote]

NP - I'm caught in the position that we can't depend on SS/Medicaid because dad doesn't want to lose his house because Mom's health is better than his and suspects will outlive him by many years.  They have a couple cars (worth very little, but still more than 1 car).  He has less than $75K left in his retirement plan (could be significantly less, I can't remember).  So, they can't afford care, they don't want to lose the little they have, so our family is helping as much as possible.  We're not at the point it's tearing us apart yet, but I can see it headed there soon since daughters (and their spouses) seem to "care the most", sons (and their wives) are less involved and one sibling is out of town.  This is all so new to me, I'm so thankful for threads like this to educate me, give ideas, and let me know what we're in for.  I have nothing to offer, but prayers for you OP and other posters.[/quote]

Isn’t it sad that it’s nearly always the daughters who do the most? In my experience, sons do very little for their parents. How can we fix this for future generations?  After all, daughters are now expected to work outside the home as well as take care of family. Isn’t it time we expect the same of our sons? Just a rant. [/quote]

What is your point?  Its really unhelpful.  I took care of my MIL because my husband had a better income and it made sense for me to stay home.  Sons can stay home.  Sons can take care of their parents.  You are not contributing anything.[/quote]

eh, I am a SAHM.  I stayed at home to care for my children and my home, not to be viewed as "the one who doesn't work" or "the one who has nothing better to do" than provide eldercare for aging parents.  Thank goodness this is not an expectation in my own family.  But I truly feel for the SAHPs who are not only take on the bulk of childcare and household responsibilities but are also expected to somehow take care of elderly, frail and possibly confused and immobile family members.

Contrary to popular belief, you don't sell yourself into servitude simply by making the choice to SAH with your kids.[/quote]

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