Reply to SAHM-what division of responsibility when one parent stays home

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My expectation is that the SAHP manages the home. That includes pretty much everything, from child rearing, to cooking, to cleaning, to scheduling, to activities, and whatever else is required. If I am working to support the enterprise financially alone, I am going to focus on working and when I am home, I will focus on being present and enjoying my kids and spouse.

We did this for two years before he threw in the towel. He works full time, I have a weekly cleaner who does laundry, the kids are in school and SACC and I do more of the mental labor but it's fine and doesn't bother me.

When my DH offered to be home full time, I made my expectations clear. When it became to be too much, we reevaluated, he went back to work and we moved on. [/quote]

Why doesn’t it bother you to do more of the mental labor if he is working?  Does that mean that you work less at your job?  Did you not make enough money to hire a weekly housekeeper without his financial help?

I have to say that of all of the childcare arrangements I have had (au pair, nanny, daycare, working PT, being a SAHM), working full time with a spouse at home full time was by far the best.  I don’t understand why you wouldn’t give a little to keep this.  [/quote]

It doesn't bother me because my DH is making money. He's contributing to the cost of running our home, our retirement, our kids' college funds, etc.

I do work a good bit. But I have a very structured job, I travel minimally (4 times a year or so), and without the sole earner pressure, I have eased up on the night work after the kids go to bed. I work less, but do more at home.

When he went back to work, we hired a weekly housecleaner. They do our laundry as well.

My children go to SACC. I drop them off and they do activities at school before I pick them up. I manage camps, breaks (we do SACC), and it's not terribly difficult.

DH has a longer commute and that eats a good bit. He travels too. But honestly, I prefer the money to what we had before. He admittedly was not happy being home, he was mediorce at best and I put my foot down. We can pay for help, but I am not going to work, pay for help, and watch him putter around home. Nope, nope. [/quote]

Ahh...gotcha.  I loved that stuff.  I liked having a project and working on it a ton, staying late when I needed to, going in to some of the early morning meetings, etc.  But I found that I really only had time, energy, and flexibility for it when DH was doing all of the home stuff.  I didn’t mind hiring a housekeeper to do the cleaning. Laundry, and cooking.  And it really didn’t bother me what he was doing or not doing during the day.  What I didn’t like is what you are doing now.  Working all day, then coming home and doing that stuff at night, never really advancing in my career, and not really being a present parent either.  It drove me crazy.  But I can also see how it might feel like a good balance, particularly if you are using the money for something important to you.

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PP here. What's interesting is that my career is pretty great. I am a General Counsel, I make excellent money, and I am able to achieve a work life balance. [/quote]

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