Reply to How do you choose backup parents in case your and your DH kick the bucket?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The whole shock of the Kobe Bryant death made think I need to write our will and plan for god forbid something happen to us both. The problem is, I can’t think of anyone who would be a good fit?!  My side has legitimate issues - one sibling had a DH cheat on her, the others are some version on mentally ill.

DH’s side he has one sister that could do it, but she is passive aggressive and seems money hungry.

These are all people I love and care about, but the idea of putting my children in their care is anxiety inducing.

Welcome people sharing what compromises or plans they have made for their kids![/quote]

If you appoint your dh's sister the guardian, you should leave your assets in a trust for the kids and have someone else be the trustee. Actually regardless of who the guardian is, it is a good rule to have one person be trustee of the money and another be the guardian.[/quote]

NP.  Some people will agree to this, but I never would.  If I'm raising your kids in the event of the worst, no way in hell am I dealing with your Aunt Edna on a constant basis, and letting her decide whether we are able to purchase a larger house to house your kids, or letting her decide what a reasonable vehicle is if we had to get a larger one.  Hell to the no.

That might very well make me the wrong choice for you, and I completely understand that.[/quote]

It would be for your protection as well, to protect against accusations that you improperly used the money for yourself.  We have friends who were given custody of a friend’s daughter when the friend died, and were trustees on the girl’s trust as well.  Everything was fine until the girl got to her late teens and began showing signs of significant mental illness, at which point an aunt swooped in and started whispering in the girl’s ear about how her guardians were mistreating her. Next thing they knew, they were hit with a lawsuit by on behalf of the girl accusing them on fraud on the trust.  They ultimately prevailed, but it cost them a fortune in legal fees.  If there had been a separate trustee, the lawsuit would have been much easier to get dismissed.[/quote]

PP here.  We have very good financial record keeping, and I'd track every dollar spent out of the trust.  I'd gladly take the risk of having to spent my own money to fight a lawsuit over the certainty of having to deal with a separate trustee.  If that set up isn't acceptable to the parents, they're welcome to move along.

[b]We have a very stable and warm household.[/b]  As a result, we have actually been asked by two different family members if we'd be willing to serve as legal guardians.  We ended up declining both times due to the financial set up that the parents were insisting on.  In one case, the parents were dramatically under insured (and seemed to think we'd be glad the foot the bill), in another case the parents wanted a separate trustee.

The parents are free to set up the arrangements however they think is best, but they should keep in mind that no one is forced to agree to what they decide.  Also, if you name a guardian, that guardian is not automatically given custody, and they're free to decline if they decide the arrangement is unacceptable.  In our case, even though the possibility was remote, we knew the right thing to do was to explain our objections on the front end, rather than back out later or hope the back up selection would step up.[/quote]

Warm? Yes, your post sounds that way.[/quote]

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