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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Stay out of it! Don’t let them unload on you. That’s totally inappropriate. Tell them youu will help execute their decision, once they make it. Maybe suggest a couple sessions with a counselor just to help them have the conversation (it’s about far more than living space) but otherwise, keep repeating that it’s up to them.[/quote]

You either come from a family with unusually evolved elderly parents, or you have never been through this. I have with my own parents and with many friends and in every case suggesting a counselor is like telling them to expose themselves to the Coronavirus from Wuhan! Seriously, my mother was downright mentally ill from dealing with dad and you could not get her mental health help, but that is another story.

Normally you stay out of stuff, but there is a good chance something is up with mom. The early stages of things like dementia can really be a whole host of things from increased rigidity to hoarding to increased anxiety. Too often it's not "just aging." Dad is wise here and even if mom is just locked in by her own emotional stuff, she is not being rational. If they both had a full deck of cards, you star out of it, but here you are trying to stop a potential train wreck. Things go bad in a blind of an eye. You are one bad fall away from having to deal with their mess for them. It is well worth the effort to help dad out here even if it's just the peace of mind that you tried everything to avoid the nightmare that is dealing with your parents clutter while they have severe medical needs and potentially your worklife explodes and your own family needs you more. [/quote]
Mom doesn't need to move to make OP's life easier.  And it's not dementia to not want to move out of your home.[/quote]

OK Bo0mer![/quote]
I'm actually GenX. I don't have a problem with Millenials and I think the generational wars are pretty silly.  However, it is stereotypically entitled to think that people in their mid 70's (with maybe 20 years left to go!) should structure their lives in ways they don't want in order to make their kids' lives easier.

And yes, if they don't take their kids' opinions into account, then they should understand that very well may lead to less help later.  Again, it's their choice.[/quote]

This is all very easy to say until your adult child is the situation where due to your choices she has to drop everything to save you in an emergency and deal with your house and deal with job stress and family stuff. My friend had a heart attack in this situation. Another friend got downsized after taking off so much time and did not want to go through a legal battle over why she was let go after family leave or whatever it was. For me,  it did me in. It's not easy to decide when the time comes to let your parent literally kill themselves due to their poor decisions. Not to mention the parent who says she will find a way to deal, calls you sobbing and uses every bit of ammunition they have to get you to drop everything.

Honestly, to those who say "let it go" I actually don't hope you experience what I did, because I don't wish that on anyone. I don't want anyone to be in a position that led to my friend's heart attack. On the other hand, I do hope you can better understand just through reading other people's accounts. If not, I do hope you don't have to learn the hard way.[/quote]

I have been a caregiver- in my home for a year, out of home for 6 years.  Some of us have done it.  You may not be willing or want to but just stay that.[/quote]

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