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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

Yes, that was me above about the STIs.  He gave me trich.  He's negative for everything else, and we've both been treated.  That said, I don't see how I could ever have sex with him again.

Thankfully (I guess) we don't have children, but there are complicating factors, the primary one being I have a chronic, degenerative health problem and need help with daily chores and long-term medical care.  Bummer.

I appreciate all the helpful PPs.  I feared mostly rude comments, but you've given me a lot to consider.  Too much.  Take it back.  I want my simple life back damn it.

I can support myself, our house is in both our names (though we just finished an expensive renovation, putting more money in than we could sell it for because it was supposed to be the forever house), and I do have a separate bank account.  As a PP predicted, my knee-jerk response is to say his mania doesn't present this way (irresponsibility with money), but he keeps surprising me, so sure, why the hell not.

Truly, he seems to be fine at work (though he is easily stressed, and I do think he takes coworkers' comments too personally -- slight paranoia).  He doesn't spend money.  He doesn't do anything spontaneous...except three occasions of oral sex, each spread about 10 months apart, the last one being in 2018. [b] PP makes a good point that he could be lying or might not remember even more egregious behavior.[/b]  But the fact that there are no other obvious symptoms makes the whole thing hard to wrap my head around.

Can anyone explain more about the memory loss aspect?  I am unable to distinguish when DH is manic or not.  There are basically no signs.  Depression and anxiety (his version of mania) often present the same way.  So I don't know how long his manic periods last.  Days, weeks, months, I have no idea.  Is he aware of his actions during the mania but then gets amnesia when he's out of the mania?  Does he only forget certain, specific, particularly egregious/traumatic events?  Is it possible, as PP suggested, that he could have done things he doesn't remember (as opposed to just not remembering the details of his actions)?  Would this memory loss, say, make him forget to take his medication?  Basically, how does it manifest?

I just have so many questions, and I'm struggling to get through each day, going to work, dealing with my chronic pain and those appointments.  Therapy for myself is something I know I need to do, but I'm overwhelmed by where to start.  And how on earth will 50 minutes once a week even scratch the surface?

Thank you again for all your helpful replies.  Keep them coming if you have the energy.[/quote]

FWIW, when confronted with evidence of his cheating, my ex made up a story about the person with whom he cheated.  I think he thought the story of cheating he told me would be more palatable than what really happened.  In therapy, he told me the "truth", but it was clear he was also still lying to me about things.  How did I know he was lying?  First of all, he never authentically answered any questions.  Everything had to be dragged out of him, and he was very careful to only say something when I gave him a small crumb of what I already knew.  And, I put a key logger on my computer (which he used) and began to watch joint credit cards, phone bill and car mileage.  It became very evident that he was continuing to lie to me.

We have kids together, so I have to be in contact with him.  Over many years, I have come to the conclusion that he just is not able to tell the truth when it is not in his interests.  I don't know if this is bipolar or personality, and frankly, it doesn't matter. [/quote]

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