Reply to If I do, how horrible a human am I?

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Reply to "If I do, how horrible a human am I? "

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[quote=Anonymous]No moral judgment here. You are in a very difficult situation. Many people who criticize believe they know what they would do, but the reality is, they are often hypocrites and/or would be humbled by what they'd do if actually in your position.

My concern for you is unintended consequences. You may ease your suffering and lack of physical intimacy but seriously complicate your situation and increase your suffering. Even if you think you can compartmentalize and just get certain needs met, you cannot truly prevent yourself from bonding with this person. Oxytocin is real, and you're going to be risking serious biochemical attachment to this person whether you want it or not. Or he with you. Further, the allure of a fairy tale is strong when you're "real" life is hard. So even if you are practical and rational and aware going on--and think you're in control--you are at huge risk.

The risk is immense and one or both of you can easily become very attached. Aside from the emotional suffering that can cause, there are all kinds of things that could happen out of that that could make your tough situation all the worse. No matter how much you think this person is trustworthy and you know him, people do really crazy things if they are attached, or when they feel rejected or betrayed.

So go forward only if you genuinely acknowledge all the risks. From the outside they are real and clear. Risk of one or both falling in love--in which case you either leave your DH, or you don't. Lots of suffering either way. Risk that your relations with this other man become public or at least known to others--are you OK if your husband finds out? Your family? Your coworkers? Neighbors? No matter how much effort you put into deception and covering, people make mistakes, and coincidences happen. You could run into someone you know, etc. Are you OK with anyone finding out?[/quote]

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