Reply to Falling out with a friend within a larger friend group

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I became good friends with a mom I met 8 years ago. We are in a close friend circle of 3, 5 and 10. She and I were probably the closest. We hung out often, have traveled together alone without kids as well as with our families. The closer we got, the more I realized I don’t like her and prefer to not be friends anymore. I have been trying to do a slow fade over the past year. Problem is we have so many friends in common.

I am civil and attend events when she is around. I prefer not to invite her to anything I host.

My birthday is coming up as well as my child’s birthday. I don’t want to invite her or her children but still want to invite the other 9 friends.

Is there any way of doing this without making it so obvious to others?

I don’t want to explain why I no longer want to be friends and don’t want it to be awkward for others.[/quote]

The real problem here is that you can't have your cake and eat it too-- you want to invite everyone *but* your ex friend, don't want to explain why the friendship is dead, and don't want it to be awkward for others. Here are your choices:

1. Confront your ex friend - probably a bad idea if she is unstable and prone to gossip or retaliation + risk of fracturing group
2. Exclude her and wait for her to confront you- an equally bad idea for the same reasons + risk of fracturing group
3. Have a party where it's not obvious that she is being left out- some risk of fracturing the group if you are really close with all of the other women- some may wonder why they haven't been invited 
4. Invite her and all of the other members of the group and supervise your children's play very carefully

If you were in junior high, you could exclude your ex friend, control the situation by spreading a bunch of pre-emptive gossip about her, and encourage the entire group to ice her out. [/quote]

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