Reply to DIL won't let me do anything for her

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "DIL won't let me do anything for her"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Keep being kind to her and offer her help.  When she says go and play with kids, do that. Take your cues from how she wants to raise the kids and follow her rules when you are with them.

At the end of your visit, offer to your son to look after the kids, while your son and DIL can take a break or go out for a meal.

Take care of your own needs so that she does not have to cater to you. Make your bed, make kids beds, wipe bathroom after you use it, clean up the dishes, make your own breakfast etc.

She is more comfortable with her family and that is understandable. You are not in competition with them.

Remember her birthday, marriage anniversary, kids birthdays, mothers day etc, wish her on her special day and send her money gift to use as she would like to.

Don't be critical, give her space, praise her for genuine things.  
[/quote]

OP here. I see some of your points (I'm taking notes, everyone). But it IS a competition, because I'm the grandma who gets relegated off to play ball, and they see their other side of the family in the kitchen and doing things. I'm a guest; they're family. It is different. In that way, it is a competition, and I can't even play to win!

I know, I know it's not actually a competition. But she lets her family help, and treats me like a guest; therefore, my grandkids will see me that way. The visits are different. [/quote]

That is one distorted view.  You have the opportunity to have some fun with your grandkids and make memories with them and here you are worrying about your grandchildren not seeing you in the kitchen doing something "important" like peeling the potatoes?  Come on.  Your DIL is absolutely right, you need to work on building a special relationship with your grandkids.  If you don't know what to do with them ask your son for help.

You may be more comfortable peeling the potatoes or folding laundry but your grandkids will remember you playing Go Fish and reading with them!  Do that![/quote]

Agree that you’re totally looking at this the wrong way. It is not a competition.

You’re making it pretty clear why she keeps you at arms length. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics