Reply to Step parents in blended families, what is the answer to "is he your only child?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ugh, the worst OP. I'm so glad my husband calls my son his son and treats him like his son. [/quote]

PP, is your son's father in his life?

Not the OP, but it isn't about how you treat or how much you love the children. Usually when people ask you how many they have, they are not assessing your love for your children, they are seeing how you spend your time, what you might have in common, etc.

I love my step-children like my own and no words can change that. They wouldn't disagree.  But I'm not their mother. They have a mother who they love and who is involved in their life and I respect that. When I identify myself as a step-mother, it says nothing more than that.  Identifying my role. It is not exactly the same as as being their full time mother from birth.[/quote]

Yes, his Dad is in his life! He is still also my husband's son too. My husband is his step Father, and my son is his son. There is no step in at least his title and the love that my husband gives him. [/quote]

That’s truly obnoxious and offensive. hopefully you refrain from saying that in front of your son. [/quote]

Saying what?[/quote]

that his stepdad is is "dad" and no different from his biodad. that is a horrible thing to say in front of a kid and suggests that OP is more invested in her own. beliefs about her "perfect" family than her child's actual emotional health. [/quote]
Why can't it be the case that the kid has two dads, one a bio dad and one a step-dad?  Yes, the relationships generally are different in nature and intensity, but it's still two dads.  A kid can say he has two parents, without also offering - but this one parent is the one who does most of the actual caretaking, the one who cleans the house and cooks dinner, and is my favorite parent.  All of that may be true but isn't germaine to the fairly innocuous question being asked. [/quote]

Do you really need this explained to you? It's because where the bioparent is an active part of the child's life, the bioparent is Mom or Dad.  The stepparent, no matter how wonderful, is never the same as Mom or Dad.  To try to force a kid into saying that is dysfunctional and reflects your own agenda to present some kind of picture to the world about your family.  If you think it's innocuous to refer to a child's stepfather as his "dad" in public, and in front of the child, you need to do some serious thinking. [/quote]
I don't know if I need it 'explained' to me, but my opinion is shaped by being a child of divorce who had a step-parent.  Also I am an adoptive mom who feels my kids' birth parents are still a type of parent, even though they aren't raising my kids.  I guess the answer is that people will feel differently about it depending on various things.  Maybe the answer here is to just talk to step-kids that are old enough to have an opinion on this and ask them their preference and go with that.[/quote]

No, that's not the answer. If you're a step-parent and the bioparent is still in the picture, it's a no-brainer that you never try to usurp mom or dad. You don't need to, and it's awful to the kid to put them in that position.  If you feel like your position in the family is somehow threatened by public acknowledgement of your status as a step-parent (or your children's status as step or half sibs to your step-kid), then you have SERIOUS issues, and this is about you, not the kid. [/quote]

You can say “we have three” without calling a step-parent Mom or Dad. [/quote]

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