Reply to Haunted by an old flame

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[quote=Anonymous]I think Anonymous is correct in his analyse.  I am coming out of the same scenario although I am single and so is he.  Relationships at arms length protect your most sensitive emotions and leave room to run away from if he is getting to close to knowing you within. 18 months later I do still have the old flame thoughts in my head. After 47yrs I managed to track him down and wrote to him, he rapidly responded wanting my phone number, we talked about old times for an hour, he wanted photos and said he would keep in touch. I sent him photos and emails - none were ever answered. He put on a great flattering show of a charm talker on the phone but obviously had no intentions of following through because he just shut the door in my face after receiving photos. It has taken me all this time to work out ways of letting go and getting him out of my thoughts and it wasn't easy. I had believed his words on the phone. I didn't think that a man of 67yr of age would lie, they have passed all that silly behaviour in their senior years.  I too, contacted him after a dream that came out of the blue. 
What I was going through at that time was reviewing my life and seeing that no man had ever really loved me, I had a father who didn't talk to me at all in my growing childhood years. My ex-husband kicked me and our children out of his life after 18yr marriage because he wanted his freedom from family burdens and always like a girl 12yrs younger than him at his workplace. They are now married but he wanted no children.   As I reviewed my life, I saw that the only person who really did love me and wanted me, was my first serious boyfriend of 20yrs of age. That is why in my head, I went back to those days with him and just had to find him, guessing he was probably happily married with kids. He wasn't.   
The poster here does have an emotional reason for wanting to contact this lost love and she has to see it within. Even if it is just curiousity to want to know about his life, there is a reason for that too. Is he happier than me, does he ever think of me at all, does he wish he had of married me, has he totally forgotten me completely, etc -  for some reason, you want acknowledgement from a past love. It brings a special attention to you in your life regardless if you are totally happy with what you have, everyone likes that bit of specialness to someone. It renews a bit of new love in your current routine life, it's exciting.  In the balance of scales though, that wonderful bit of excitement is minute compared to the following broken trust and hurt you are going to cause your partner. Break trust and you have put cracks in a solid foundation. [/quote]

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