Reply to In same house but "separated"

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[quote=Anonymous]	As others have said, this isn’t a legal separation. That’s worth noting should one of you incur expensives, frivolous or otherwise. The world will judge you both if either of you seeks out romantic or sexual partners. Nobody cares about a reputation… until they need or want to get it back.

While it’s true you can make your own rules for your family, nobody including your husband has to live by them. He is free to say “I would love to be in a relationship where the woman I am with holds my hand while we take Billy to look at Christmas lights” just as you are allowed to do.

Know that other families may distance themselves from you. Nobody has to live in a marriage of convenience, just as nobody has to watch a loved one die or suffer from a curable and/or preventable disease.  I’d judge someone for staying in such a marriage, just as I’d judge someone for failure to seek out appropriate medical care.

Don’t underestimate what the lack of appropriate healthy adult affection can do to you (and your husband) emotionally, physically and mentally.  Don’t underestimate what “discreet” affairs can do to you, and be sure that people will know or suspect.  Again, none of this may matter to you until you start to see its impact.

Think about what you wanted as a little girl or teenager, and then make it happen. I can guarantee you it wasn’t what you have, or you’d not have been looking to justify it to a bunch of randoms on the internet.

I’d either fix the marriage, or I’d separate legally. You can do this in-house, though it must be documented with appropriate paperwork, and officials, just as your marriage needed to be appropriately documented.  You can no more “separate in-house” then you could say “We’re married” with no wedding ceremony officiated by a legitimate authority. Use the same procedures you did for marrying and separate if that’s what you’d like to do.

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