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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Then your brother is an IDIOT.

He was married 5+ years before having a kid.  If he was that miserable he should have split a long time ago.

Are you Asian by chance?  They tend to have busybody mothers and put their sons on pedestals.
[/quote]
No, European... my mom can be a lot and we all know it, but she is being very careful not to invade SIL’s space. She always asks SIL if she can visit the baby and 9 out 10 is a no. My mom sees the baby maybe once every 2 weeks and they live nearby. My mom understood and she is completely out of their lives. She barely sees them. 
 [/quote]

If you think that your mother who visits the grandkid every two weeks is barely seeing them, I understand why your SIL thinks your family is ruining the marriage. Way to exaggerate and create drama.[/quote]

And then OP wants to be left with the baby without the SIL (the new mom). Why? To pretend the SIL does not exist?[/quote]

OP here. While I would love to bond with my niece, I have never asked for this... I still don’t understand why I can’t see her unless the mom is present as well, but I don’t argue with SIL about it... I never argue with her... I may not be very warm with her as I used to be, but I am not cold, mean, or argumentative. I simply don’t start conversations with her anynore[/quote]

You still have not answered the question. Why do you want to see the niece when the mom is not present, what’s it to you? She is a nervous new mom with a baby who has gone through a health scare. You bet she does not want to leave her out of her sight, especially with someone she sees two weeks a year. This is not about you or your family, you have to start getting used to the fact that you are now in supporting and/or episodic roles. Maybe your SIL is going through something, maybe she has PPD, but she does not seem paranoid to me. You are clearly not supportive of her and her marriage, and you discuss these things with your brother/her DH. [/quote]

I don’t want to see my niece only when mom is not present, but it so happens that when we are able to see them, SIL will be working. It means that we will have to wait a few more days to see them because they are then traveling. Again we are there for only 3 weeks and they will not be spending Christmas with us. Same happens this summer. We were nearby their house and I asked if we could stop by to see the baby for a few min. SIL said no because she was not home. I have sent them together a couple of times in 2 months I was at a maximum 1 hour away from them...[/quote]

She does not feel comfortable. I had difficulty conceiving and when I had my DD I watched her like a hawk. I only trusted my DH and had difficulty trusting even my mom with her. My SIL who stays with us when she visits was probably offended when I did’t let her babysit. You should stop making things about you, because often they aren’t. Your brother and his wife are going through some challenges now, which is pretty common for new parents, but as someone else already mentioned your family is too enmeshed - he even works with dad. They aren’t going to be a lot of wives who will be ok with that arrangement. Keep this in mind before you all counsel him to end this marriage.[/quote]

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