Reply to Failing marshmallow experiment. Advent calendar is a special kind of torture

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, as my child's pediatrician said to me when I complained about my son, "He sounds like he's on the very intense side of normal".  MY second child was so different from my first.  If I had had them the other way around, I would have thought my son was brain damaged, that's how difficult he was.

Anyhow -- kids differ in their abilities, and some abilities are the ability to manage distress, to be patient, to deal with disappointments, to be flexible.  Kids who tantrum all the time and cannot calm themselves make parents look like horrible parents but we often aren't.  We are dealing with challenging kids!

[quote]You may need to remove the things that she can't deal with right now, like the Advent calendar, and try again in another year or two, or use one that has no candy.  Things that work for other kids at age 4 might not be appropriate for her until she is a little more skilled.

You may wish to check the book The Explosive Child and the website ThinkKids

In the same way that kids with learning disabilities struggle with thinking skills in areas like reading, writing or math, research has shown that behaviorally challenging kids lack thinking skills related to flexibility, frustration tolerance and problem solving. Not long ago, kids who had trouble reading were thought of as lazy or dumb. Today, people recognize that these kids have a learning disability that simply requires a different method of teaching. Think:Kids aims to accomplish a similar shift in perspective and practice with behaviorally challenging kids through the CPS approach. Rather than try to motivate these kids to behave better, CPS builds helping relationships and teaches skills through a process of helping adults and kids learn how to resolve problems collaboratively. At Think:Kids, we train thousands of parents, clinicians, educators and facilities a year through conferences, workshops and consulting and help hundreds of kids and their families through our clinic and support groups.[/quote][/quote]

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