Reply to Would you cut off an evil, toxic mother?

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[quote=Anonymous]I’ve posted before about my borderline mother. I see some posters don’t understand what it’s like to have a parent who will literally go out of the way to cause their child(ren) pain. Lucky for them to have never had the experience. I am a bit jealous, in all honesty.

I have not cut my mother off, but she’s at an arm’s length now. My brother has cut her out, and I’m relieved he did. Me and the other sibling have had periods of no contact, but have not completely cut her off. It’s an option, but my sister isn’t ready. I am available to my mother for solidarity more than anything else. She is no longer welcome at family events or holiday get togethers. Our holidays are so much happier, and stress-free because of that decision.

There’s a grieving period when you decide to let go of the hope that your mother will ever show you real, unconditional love. You can start working on accepting that, then later decide if no contact is right for you. If you are ready for no contact, then by all means go ahead with that now. I’m just suggesting another path if you’re not there yet. The grieving process that goes with no contact is not a short-term thing.

Please know that you deserve to be loved, and treated with respect. If your husband treated you the way your mother treats you, I hope you would divorce him in a hot minute. For clarity, consider the advice you would give someone you love being treated as badly by a family member. [/quote]

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