Reply to In same house but "separated"

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[quote=Anonymous]My friend and her husband did this. He actually moved into the basement and hey lived like married roommates. It was all their kids had ever known. They lived cordially and didn't bring any other partners home. It worked fine until their kids were tweens / teens - then they realized that this is really abnormal for a married couple. Once the kids became aware and the process of trying to co-parent teens, it actually was harder for them to maintain their amicable / cordial relationship and they bickered more / got on each others nerves more.

Their kids finally came to them and said they wanted them to get divorced and live their own lives. That they felt really responsible that they were staying together for the kids and they didn't want either parent to give up happiness for them. They split up and divorced. It ended up being really hard on the kids who were all teens. It led to about 5 years of horribleness with the kids really reacting / struggling / acting out. Neither parent got into a relationship during that time anyways as the teens needed all their resources and time and energy. There was a lot of resentment between my friend and her ex and my friend felt her ex was being too lenient and he felt she was being too strict. Co-parenting from two separate homes was much harder than co-parenting together from the same home.

Now all three kids are in their mid twenties and both my friend and ad her ex are in stable long term relationships. My friend still has a lot of resentment as she feels she carried the weight of the world and stress during those 5 really rough years and found them quite traumatic. She feels her ex came out of it much less damaged and burdened than she did. She also feels he got to have more fun with the kids than she did. The kids are still close to both parents and I know my friend resents that the kids see them as equal parents when she feels she took on most of the work and pain that came with their teen years. She had thought that as adults they would see her ex differently and as the lazy, fun parent that she saw him as but they haven't. [/quote]

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