Reply to How to deal with family member who plays victim ALL THE TIME

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is this a financial need, or a financial kindness you’re griping about?

Her child’s needs must have been significant to get evaluated and diagnosed at age 2. On top of dealing with that, having your husband leave.

OP, did you know that having a child with special needs (both mental/behavioural and physical) is a huge reason that many marriages fail?

Her income may mean little if she’s been paying OOP for the therapies and help to get her apparently early diagnosable child the help he needed to now go to a mainstream school. That doesn’t mean that help isn’t still needed.

Is it really hard to hear her out and pat her on the back occasionally?

And the financial stuff.. I’ll ask again - are you being asked to pay her electric bill, or is MIL wanting to pay for something nice for her?

[/quote]

She separated from her ex before the kid was born.  
We have empathy. We have helped her out. Paid over 40k in lawyer fee. Listened to her and MIL talk about her problems. She bought a house against my DH advice, even though she knew she needed money for kids therapies and lawyer fee (they fight over visitation) and owes us money. We have ignored most of her unacceptable behavior because we have empathy, never asked to pay us back for the ‘loans’. But instead of showing a tiny bit appreciation for our help etc, she keeps expecting more and more. [/quote]

What is it you're asking for then? Permission to do what, exactly?

On the money front, don't give her any more.

The help front, that's a bit more tricky. Despite her money and her choices that you disagree with, it's still his sister and your SIL. And having a special needs child can be very, very difficult even for people with money. I don't see why you can't help her out from time to time or listen to her complaints. Yes, we all have problems in life but there is a spectrum and hers appear to be on the more difficult end. You say you want to show empathy but your posts tell a different story.

So, again, what is it you're looking to have validated here?[/quote]

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