Reply to Does the Husband backing off and giving space help

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How is your emotional connection? Do you guys fight? Talk? Have there been any periods of depression or disconnect due to kids, work, midlife, etc.?

Address the underlying intimacy issues. There may be some physical/health issues as well.[/quote]

Emotionally, probably average.  We don't fight a lot.  She is super miserable at her job so when I come home, it's venting, then complaining, so I wouldn't dream of putting sex on the menu that night.  We have a slightly special needs kid that wears us both out.  The intimacy issue has been going on a decade plus, I am just over being the pursuer 100 percent of the time.

When I try to address it, its generally met with "this is because we haven't had sex in a while?  Then just do it" i.e. checklist sex which I don't and won't have again.  Would rather be celibate and open the marriage or divorce.[/quote]

Why don't you show her this thread?  I am positive that she doesn't know that this is how you feel: I mean she knows you want sex but doesn't know how you feel when she offers sex in a way you don't believe is enthusiastic.  Also, it's not enough to identify a problem but to also think about a path to solutions which could be visit with sex therapist.  A third party can listen to both of you and then suggest a solution which is not what is happening now.  She probably feels that she's making an effort and you don't think it's the right type of effort.

The way I see it, she fundamentally wants to do something for you because she loves you and you are not able to communicate with her your viewpoint/help find a solution.  Ball is in your court.[/quote]

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