Reply to Adopting after secondary infertility

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Bio does not equal better.

It is not a question of a young woman being "unworthy" or motherhood. SOME women are unprepared for motherhood when it arrives in their life.

Talk about the trauma of growing up with an addicted parent or a parent who will not leave an abusive partner.  Yes, such parents need support...BUT that does not mean that the babies in question should have to be the canary in the coal mine while that parent is TRYING to work through their issues. They have ONE childhood. They are worthy of a healthy, safe, secure place to grow up.

There's that. [/quote]

It depends on the situation and biological family and adoptive family.  There is a huge range of adoptive families.  Some do it to give the child a good life, some do it to fill their checkbox to be parents, some do it because they want the large families and often the adopted kids are treated differently and some do it for money, especially foster to adopt when they get the stipend.  I know some kids who would be better off in their biological families and others who are not.

However, this poster sounds like a birth mom who regrets or was forced to place for adoption and isn't looking at the entire picture.  There are tons of shady adoptions - private, agency, international and foster.  And, there are tons of ethical ones.    Adoption is an industry and has become a business.  It is a bit sick but that has nothing to do with the topic at hand.

We had a very difficult experience adoption and something traumatic happen post adoption.  You are lucky if you had a simple/clean adoption.  We did not.

There is no such thing as a first mom.  That term is absurd.  Adoptive moms are not second moms, back up moms, the moms of last resort.[/quote]

NP here with an older adopted child.

My kid’s story contains a huge amount of trauma, trauma that shaped who he is, and that has made integrating him into our family hard work for both him and us.  But, in our case, attributing the trauma to adoption would be unfair.

Having said that, my kid absolutely had a “first mom”.  She was his mom before I was, so that makes me his second mom (or maybe his third, depends how you count).  And I am absolutely the back up.  My kid is loved and well cared for in our home, but there is no doubt that the best choice for him would have been to stay with his biological parents.  Unfortunately, a drunk driver took that option away.  I am so glad that he is with us, but I’m not going to pretend that we are the first choice.  [/quote]

Your situation is very different than most.[/quote]

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